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♪♪ help, now it's Christmas!♪♪
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If there was anything I would
like to cancel, it was Christmas.
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- Nothing with driving up there.
- No, no, no.
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- Christmas is irrational.
- Wow.
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♪♪ help, now it's Christmas!♪♪
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We're the one who doesn't really dance right.
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Then you become unfriends, then
you drink a little too much,
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and then it all goes to hell.
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I thought you used
Grandma's recipe?
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♪♪ help, now it's Christmas!♪♪
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Every deviation is the same as death.
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Have I gone insane?
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I've gone fucking insane, Helle.
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"HELP... IT IS CHRISTMAS."
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Christmas is the biggest lie of all.
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After all, Christmas is an
enormously wonderful time.
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Our entire modern existence,
where we are flexible and critical, and such...
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- it is suddenly turned into a
trivial story in the Family Journal magazine.
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Yes, I love Christmas.
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It's all about just being so overly joyous.
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And if you are not happy now, what then?
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It's because I just like
the pixies and angels.
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So I think it has become
such a performance trap,
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where everyone is just
cycling around trying to meet
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these extremely high
expectations that are for 1, 2, 3, cozy!
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The script for Christmas is written
in such a way that it is a script for Titanic.
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"1st- THE NATIVITY PLAY."
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Here we have Niels and Helle; married
to each other for the past 14 years,
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with a standard portfolio of two
children, Musse and Malte,
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and one piece of a bit too expensive terraced
potato house on EasterBridge.
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Both in their mid-40s, mid-life,
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and right in the middle of life's
ongoing hamster Christmas.
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And now that we're talking
about Christmas, it's the 1st of December,
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and guess what?
Helle loves Christmas.
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♪♪ sometimes I feel like I got to♪♪
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♪♪ run away, I've got to♪♪
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♪♪ get away from the place♪♪
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♪♪ cling-clang, bells ring♪♪
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♪♪ a thousand small bells are chiming♪♪
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Baby, how cozy it'll be, isn't it?
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I can tell you, your daughter, she
shines like a sun when I delivered her this morning.
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They are looking forward
so much, the children.
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You know, she's the only one
of the angels who has a spoken line.
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She shall say, "Fear not, for
I have glad tidings to bring."
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I don't fathom they're making that ancient
nativity play,
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- there's no one who believes in it, right?
- What do you say?
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There is no one in the class, whether
children nor parent, who is a Christian.
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Sure there is, there are many.
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- Who is Christian?
- Mohammed and his family.
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They're Muslims.
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Yes, if you really want
to be a stickler for words.
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But I just think it's really unhealthy
with this them-and-us perspective.
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That's why people end up sitting
on Norrebro Station, fearing suicide bombs,
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because you
can't see it with the wide glasses.
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Why the hell don't they
think of something else?
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Something with some go in it.
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Try listening here, honey.
That's because it's a tradition.
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After all, it can also turn out
to be a successful experience.
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If, for example, you are the fat one of the class,
and then you can get a role like virgin Mary,
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who gives birth to the baby Jesus.
Things like that.
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Well then, try listening here.
Why not think of anything new?
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Why not come up with something
about Jesus being a superhero,
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or gay?
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The little baby Jesus.
Gay?
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Why do you say such nonsense?
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Well then, there's nothing
wrong with being gay, then.
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No, there certainly isn't.
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That is one of the
finest things you can be.
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But now I just don't think Jesus was gay.
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He was clearly straight... abstainer.
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I think so.
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You know what I think?
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I think we should make a nativity play
where Jesus jumps out of the closet.
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♪♪ a child is born in Bethlehem,♪♪
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♪♪ Bethlehem♪♪
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♪♪ and gladness fills Jerusalem...♪♪
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They're sweet.
Aren't they sweet, Niels?
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Nana, she has become a sheep this year.
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I actually think it
might be very good for her,
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that she doesn't always have to
be in the front, that she just
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got a part, where she has
to be a little in the background.
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Look at that Jesus figure?
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- How about that?
- Look.
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It is too far-fetched, because
the Jesus figure has a six-pack, man.
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Well, he died at 33.
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There are no 33-year-olds
with six-packs, only gay men with six-packs.
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Too much.
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Before we can get started, we
have to ask if one of the fathers wants to play donkey.
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We lack a donkey.
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Do we have a donkey?
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We can't get started
until we have a donkey.
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No one wants to play donkey.
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It's so embarrassing when
people don't get up.
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We need a donkey.
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- Niels would like that.
- As if I do!
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Do we have a donkey?
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- Yes, say yes.
- Now shut up!
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Yes, you could.
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I think the kids would be so proud of you.
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Niels would like to.
I think we found a donkey.
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It is a misunderstanding.
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I don't want to be a donkey.
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Helle, stop it.
Helle, stop it.
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I think we have a donkey.
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It is a very stubborn donkey.
He's already in character.
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Helle, I don't want to.
Don't you understand what I mean?
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I don't feel like it.
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And it happened in those days that a
command went out from the emperor Augustus
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to take a
census of the whole world.
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Joseph also went up from the city of Nazareth
in Galilee to be registered together with Mary,
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his betrothed, who was expecting a child.
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Damn it, my back.
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Hey, get that kid off.
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- For Hell's sake.
- Hey!
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What in darnation is going on?
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There's some youngster hanging on me here.
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- For Satan's sake, man.
- Please.
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Listen here!
What the hell is this?
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- This stuff is too embaresing!
- Can I just be allowed...
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- I shall..
- We don't talk like that here in church!
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This is a full mockery.
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I will have to ask you to
leave the house of God.
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This is not a school.
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Forgive him, Lord.
The fool doesn't know what he's doing.
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Ouch, in hell, that rascal brat.
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This is what happens when
you bring shame to God's house.
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What the hell are you doing?
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I just had to wave for Nana's mother.
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She didn't feel good about that sheep.
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I can't do it.
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What can't you?
It can't hurt that bad?
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- I can't stand it.
- What can't you stand?
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Christmas, dammit.
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Won't you promise me that there is
no complete ambition of that Christmas?
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Just like all the other years.
And you decorate etc.
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And there is no sex for three weeks, etc.
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Can't you just be quiet
and have a nice Christmas? For real?
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Yes.
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Do you promise me that?
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- What?
- Yes.
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And no here and there and everything else?
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- I promise you.
- No, how sweet of you, darling.
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Thanks for that.
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Shall we leave soon?
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You were a fantastic donkey, darling.
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- Wasn't dad good as a donkey?
- Yes!
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We're driving home now.
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So can't you just decorate
back there at your place?
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♪♪ now it's Christmas again,
and now it's Christmas again. ♪♪
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And what will it end up in?
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♪♪ and Christmas last just until Easter♪♪
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♪♪ now it's Christmas again.♪♪
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- Oh, damn it.
- Relax.
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♪♪ and Christmas last until Easter ♪♪
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"HELP... IT IS CHRISTMAS"
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The way we choose to practice it is
actually that it is a birthday party
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for someone who won't be invited to the
birthday party because he's already dead.
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And if you don't really
believe in him, then it's completely absurd.
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So you celebrate someone
you either don't believe in...
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I don't believe in it at all.
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Or which under all
circumstance, at least, is not there.
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You should have researched it,
you promised.
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I have done that.
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And then we go to church,
just like pensioners do.
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It always work for us.
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He said he would fix it with Jesus.
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I have done that.
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It doesn't fit.
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After all, none of us believe in God.
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- He preached, he was good at preaching.
- There is a man who wears a dress.
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He is not a transvestite,
but he wears a black dress.
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And then he has an enormously
large collar on, like a white clown.
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And then he says
completely irrelevant things.
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There must have been some
kid who had better speaking skills
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than the other lumberjacks.
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If I were you, you know what?
I would be afraid of saying that.
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I'm not afraid of that at all.
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I have tested it many times.
And lightning hasn't struck me yet.
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Well, it's coming.
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♪♪ help, now it's christmas♪♪
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♪♪ angel song and ritalin pills♪♪
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♪♪ we, the two of us fall apart♪♪
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♪♪ in tact with the war of the Christmas food.♪♪
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